近況點滴

我雖然已完成這學年的課程，卻又剛開始了暑期密集式課程。上兩星期的課程是從電影的情節、美學、及表達技巧去探討神學的應用。我看了不少黑白片（老師認為是電影的經典時代）。我發現原來從前我認為是搞笑的Charlie Chaplin，他的電影其實是十分有意思及令人感動的，而且故事的人物情節對人性的描寫有深入的反思！真心推介！對自己來說，今年最寶貴的領受是self identity的更新，在聖經中更體會耶穌的愛及接納。以前常以為自己的生活模式是多做一點事去取悅及滿足神（例如基督徒講的讀聖經「靈修」），原來不自覺意識裡很想靠doing去獲得神的認同，這種態度竟是來自混淆的自我形像。然而，這年的體會讓自己發現不用以這些工夫來作為取悅及滿足神的方法，even just as I am，我是耶穌所愛的門徒，真正的認識being，讓我可以看待與神的關係來得更relational。我感謝耶穌的厚愛，我願更愛祂，更認識祂。

另外，其中一科給予我對友情有新的反省。有時候我發現自己不甚懂得（不如說甚少去）關心身邊的人。我其實很想作個relational（包含親情、友情…等）的人。我未至於會利用友情來為自己尋好處，但確實不懂很持久的關心care身邊的人。有時我是很羨慕Connie，因她頗能維繫認識多年的好朋友，她不用結交很多朋友，卻有著深摯的友愛。我渴望能更committed去珍惜身邊的情誼，雖然生活的習慣未必會立時朝夕大變，但我的心態有改變，期待日後可以與大家繼續有多些深入的分享。

Connie身孕踏入第三十周，她較早時腰骨容易因疲倦而感到痛楚，在多些留在家中休息後，她身體現在比較早時好多了。小寶寶預期在八月二十日出生，而我們也開始了上產前預備班。Connie一直也有積極看書及為小寶寶的出生去作準備；相反，我在心理上仍覺很抽離。產前預備班的確幫助我去更仔細的去與Connie配合。做爸爸的學習要重新開始！

Abby在溫哥華的生活是頗開心的。雖然體重仍是只有20磅，完全不及同齡的標準，講說話的表達亦很有限，但她仍然一天一天慢慢長大。最近她第一次自己洗澡了！Abby在較早時已懂自己到衣櫥拿衣服及開水自己沖洗。有一晚，她先拿了衣服，然後解衣、爬進浴缸後開水沖洗，我們見她自己解衣後便稱讚她主動，看著她可以培養自我照顧的習慣，我們心感高興！我希望在暑假可以有多些親子時間陪她起玩耍及學習。

在這裡，我們對文化及語言上的衝擊已經適應下來，只是現在生活所需費用比起初的預算大，而當初預備的費用相信會在第二學年完結時便會花完。近來很大的掙扎是來自幾個的可能性：（一）賣去在港的物業以完成餘下兩年的學業；還是（二）只完成文憑的課程，回港後再以部分時間修讀？這些考慮包含了很多關乎召命、對上帝供應的信心、安全感、及家人需要等的反思。若然自己往後的服務對象是小朋友，以從事教育工作去回應召命，那我有否這需要一定要在這裡完成MDiv program嗎？但其實在這裡的學習又確實是十分有意思，要更理解聖經及信仰便要花更多的時間去學習。我想更認識我的上帝！我想更懂得讀聖經，以至日後可以與大家分享上帝的話及祂賜的盼望。這裡的課程及教授都對我生命有很大的影響。若要花上更大的代價（主要是往後生活的安定），我會願意嗎？這一刻我的困惑大多是來自再一次面臨做大決擇時所產生的恐懼，不知道怎樣去理解前路及回應愛我的主。Connie一直的聆聽及支持是令我十分感動的。在此亦願意向大家分享內心的掙扎，渴望大家顧念我們一家的前路。

為了幾個家庭傷痛 Grieving for a few families

近日正留意著兩宗意外的發展，一直記掛著當中傷痛的心靈。

一宗是較早前年初在落馬洲 釀成六人死亡的交通意外。司機因醉酒，導致他駕駛的中型貨車與對線的士相撞，釀成慘劇。六位受害人都是有家庭的父親，而且是家中重要的經濟支柱。這次人為的意外為這些家庭帶來無比的傷痛；將近的父親節亦會再一次勾起他們的傷痛。

最令我痛苦的卻是當我把自己代入肇事司機的角色中，我真會感到萬分懊悔；很想補救及得到寬恕。報導的片段很觸動我—他曾在提訊後步出法院，向庭外示威的死者家屬下跪道歉：「對唔住，我害咗六個家庭，好後悔，我好錯。」面對被告突如其來跪地道歉，六名死者的十多名親屬卻未為所動，更冷言不接受被告道歉，一名男家屬怒斥「六個家庭支拄無咗呀！個個無晒老豆，無咗仔呀，你今時今日跪係度做咩啫，冇意思㗎！」而另一女死者家屬亦拒絕被告道歉說：「你賠番個大哥畀我就接受（道歉）！」死者馮志偉的叔叔馮建成，事發當日向特首曾蔭權下跪請求重罰肇事司機。「為什麼司法制度能夠容忍這種司機？特首說盡快跟進，究竟有無檢討刑罰是否足夠？我們幾家人，每次過堂，個心都好像被剁了一下！你知不知有多難受？對不起有什麼用！」馮直言﹕「這是個心理關口，無可能接受道歉，無可能原諒！如果法庭重判，他坐完監，履行完自己應得的懲罰，面壁思過，重新做人，再來跟我道歉！到時，恨已消了，我就考慮原諒！難道這不公平嗎？」

換了我是被告，面對著一班死者家屬，我會很內咎、沮喪，覺得做什麼也不能彌補過錯。被告羅少權坦言早料到會被痛罵。「我本身是做錯了！他們指摘我，我怎麼彌補？是不是一句對不起就算數？如果我是死者家屬，我也不能接受！」他說﹕「我自己寫了封信，想寄出去給6家人，但我想作用不大，反而害到他們心情難過，我自己做錯，想幫他們那邊，也沒能力去幫，錯就錯了，怪就要讓他們怪。」

這案件仍在審訊中。在最近的一次耹訊，約20多人的死者家屬一如往常到庭聽審，他們於粉嶺法庭門外拉起橫額，部分人得悉被告獲准保釋後，表現得相當不滿，直指「誤殺竟然可以保釋，不是幾多錢的問題，根本不應批准保釋！」當被告離開法庭時，眾家屬尾隨高呼「認着他啊，他就是殺人兇手，後面有6個人永遠跟着你！」被告未有停下，只管繼續低頭步行離開。過去幾個月來，被告聲稱晚晚受良心譴責睡不着，「只好給死者燒香，在廟宇裏面做自己應分的事……飲酒，我講也沒用，希望戒了它。」車禍後他開始失業，「開飯都成問題，今月未交租，唯有打散工，搬貨。」他有個7歲女兒跟妻子住在內地，「全香港最大新聞就是我，不想給女兒知……」

當我代入被告，容許我說我心裡很同情他。從眾家屬在法庭外對被告的控訴可見意外帶來很深的憤怒。若我是被告，沒想是被寬恕原諒，我連相信透過受罰補償的方法也感到渺茫。錯是錯了，但我仍盼望被告身邊能有人願意陪他同行，面對後果與責任。

這誤殺意外令我想起聖經中神為誤殺的也設立逃城安置這些人。期待對這些經文有更深的了解。對罪帶來的consequences and brokenness, God cares.

另一宗是前兩天有女工被鐵閘壓死的意外：
慘遭二百磅鐵閘壓死的慈母林中偉，生前有一個夢，盼兒女學業有成，一家人環遊世界，但如今美夢成空，子女愁對本周日的母親節及十餘日後的亡母誕辰，在台灣讀大學的二十一歲長女，事發當天趕回港，昨日攙扶哭成淚人的父親四處奔波辦理母親後事，怒指家中經濟已陷困境，殮葬成疑，有關部門仍是「光說不做」。「明日是我生日，過兩日是母親節，十九日又是母親生日，每年五月原都是一家人最歡樂的日子，可是今年五月沒有母親，不知怎樣過？」二十一歲劉妙玲是林中偉的長女，前日從台灣返港後趕到紅磡事故現場，看到平日硬朗的父親失去妻子，滿眼淚痕，她知道目前要強忍悲慟，擔負起家庭的重責。丈夫說：「我一定會追究……，發現鐵閘有問題，無人處理，今次只係我太太唔好彩。」長女妙玲硬咽說：「媽咪在我們心目中好重要，這件事對我們衝擊很大。」兩父女語畢都泣不成聲。劉妙玲在台灣高雄輔英科技大學 讀護理系一年級，十六歲的弟弟是應屆會考生，十歲的三妹讀小五，僅六歲幼妹讀小一，妙玲提起自己一家曾經是快樂溫馨的家庭時，倍感悲傷。年僅六歲幼女未懂事，以為母親去天堂旅行，每日為慈母祈禱，又寫信叫她早日回來，妙玲和二弟聞言頓感哀傷，不敢哭出來，還要安慰妹妹，但是，姊弟對自己前途，則茫然不知該怎辦？



當我知道死者丈夫從事與鐵閘相關的行業時更覺傷痛，代入他去想時更會因自己的專業知識而更覺太太受害的可憐與無奈。

每逢佳節倍思親。我能體會因這兩件意外這些家庭所背負著的沉痛，我很渴望他們身邊有人在他們旁邊與他們同哭、同分擔這份悲痛grief，令當前的路也能明朗化。願他們終能得到安慰。

2 important mentors that shape my life at Regent

These two are my professors at Regent--Darrell Johnson and Rikk Watts. They both inspire me in many ways in my first year of study. I am so impressed by their love to Jesus, which inspire me to know our Lord Jesus more personally, with a deeper conviction.

My first encounter with Darrell was during the orientation. While I was overwhelmed by the culture shock and unforeseen reality, God used Darrell to speak into my heart. (see this previous post) The benediction he proclaimed in the chapel is still vividly pictured in my mind. Darrell has a caring pastoral heart that he's like a spiritual father to me. I only had a course with him this year, on the soul of ministry. From the lectures, I start to recognize signals given by my body, allowing me to pay attention to the needs physically and spiritually. I am also "aware" of my identity, that I can also be Jesus' beloved disciple. To me, it is a profound experience. Rather than a deep yearning of seeking recognition and affirmation (from God or others), I am now at ease for I know that I'm loved and accepted by God. In the future, I really wish to have more of Darrell's lectures (especially on preaching and pastorla care) if God wills.

Rikk is my professor of the New Testament Foundation course. Rikk impressed me with his passion to Jesus. I am always touched when he talks about Jesus. Rikk is a great scholar and he enlightens me especailly the way to read Scriptures and the Gospels with a historical aspect. I now notice that it's very important to have a proper worldview in order to understand the Scriptures. What was it like to Jews and Romans in the 1st century? What were their concerns? How did Jesus spoke to them? I find it very fruitful to be in Rikk's lectures. I am also inspired by his saying that it would be great to preach something about Jesus in every sermon. I hope I can also help others to know about Jesus in my teachings/sermons. I shall miss his exegesis class (how to interpret/read the bible) next year, but hopefully I can take other courses with him in the future.

I can see their love to Jesus in their words and deeds and I'm deeply touched. I really wish to be like them one day, having the same passion to witness/share about Jesus to others.

Post-Exam Days

All of my exams are over! My first year at Regent is "officially" over! Thank God for such a wonderful year. I really like to share with you some of my reflections later for I need a while to write them up.

It's been quite busy after the exams. Busy with settling different matters in HK and schedules for spring/summer here. I'm going to work at Regent as an AV technician, recording/working on the sound system for chapel and evening lectures. I also have an opportunity to learn about counselling and case study with a clinical psychologist. This summer, I'll take 2 courses: Reading film - A theological Approach; and Biblical Greek. Both are very interesting to me. We'll see how the courses go!! ^_^

We've bought a secondhand van this week! It's a 2002 Kia Sedona, with 56000km mileage. It's fully loaded with special features and it comes with a deal of $5400.

This buying experience has quite an impact on me. We saw this van on the well-known free classifying/advertising website: Craigslist. I notice that buying a second-hand car actually does involve a large sum of money. I have a fear of making wrong decisions in transactions since I always have bad experiences. I just don't know if I would get cheated this time. Since I've gone through quite a few bad experiences before, I now slowly develop a mutual understanding with Connie that all the important decisions I made should concur with her comments. Connie's opinions and suggestions are really helpful and I know my ideas can be better filtered/improved out from her critical questioning character. With her full support this time, I'm happy to make this deal. I thank God for this great buy opportunity. When I was driving it home today, I was so thankful because I just love the new driving experience. May this van be a great help to those who need transportation.

奇人奇技--Abby invents a new cell phone!!

Check out Abby's new cell phone! ^_^

AbbyMommy will later post a video showing how Abby talks using this cell phone.

p.s. I can never have such flexibility!!! 甘拜下風!! ^_^

Lost and Found

I found my long-lost wedding ring on the desk today!!! ^_^ Hurray!!
I know it's at home somewhere since I usually have it placed on the desk with my keys. But it's been out of sight for quite a while. I thought it must have been Abby who played with it and misplaced it somewhere. I told Connie about the lost and she said lightly that it would be an opportunity to buy new rings for us. There were moments that I felt so regretful for losing it and I really really hoped that it could be found. Today I just found it in the stack of erected bibles. I'm RELIEVED now and I should put it at a more secure place so that I won't lose it again. ^_^

Servant vs Helper -- a sharing from a "master"

The recent article written by HK writer and columnist Chip Tsao (陶傑) has stirred an uproar from the Filipinos. In his article, "The War at Home", published in an online magazine, "Nation of servants" was used to mock the Filipinos in their dispute with the Chinese over the sovereignty on the Spratly Islands (南沙群島). Some Filipinos were greatly offended as they felt his words racist, discriminating, and demeaning to Filipino domestic workers in HK. Such descriptions has insulted the Filipinos and the columnist has recently apologized (in Spanish!?) during a radio broadcast programme.

Indeed, disputes among Filipinos and Chinese often really takes place at homes. Have you heard stories of domestic helpers badly treated by their employers? How they have been "used" for long hours and being cheated and humiliated in many ways. I know such stories are frequently told among the domestic helpers as they gather together on their days-off. On the contrary, stories of lazy or cunning helpers cheating their masters have also been told among employers. How these helpers crossed their lines and abused their employer's properties when the employers are not at home. Sadly, I have to admit that black sheep in both groups have brought hatred and distrust in the community. However, I start to realize the crux of the problem: a relational personhood is reduced into a functional object.

I used to call people who serve at homes as "servants". That was the only title I learned as a kid. Later I became a "master", but I have learned a better word to repect them--"domestic helper", or simply "helper". One may ask what's the difference in their nature of work besides a change of "titles"? My answer: Not much, but the ATTITUDES in both "masters" and "helpers" would be different--about Dignity and Respect, a key to restore a relational personhood among us.

Connie and I had Gee to help us when we adopted Abby. This experience of having a helper in our family was wonderful. I enjoy having a clean house all the time, especially when Abby made a mess and was later cleaned by Gee. I enjoy the yummy Chinese and Filipino food Gee cooked for us. Most important of all, I enjoy our mutual trust in our communication. And I'm sure Gee would feel the same.

From this experience, I've jogged down something I did as a "master"--my beliefs and some concrete ideas:

First thing first: Be relational

I think our first day is very crucial in building a trusting relationship. **on the first night of Gee's arrival, we had a 'family meeting'. It's like a briefing session....to let my helper know the expectations and to let her know that we trust her. I asked her to be genuine and sincere to us as our relationship is greatly built on trust. Since she's also a Christian, I shared with her a bible passage from Colossians 3:22-25 to encourage her to serve faithfully. (Note, in fact, in the context of the bible, it was about the relationship of slaves and masters. But I focused on the principles)****More importantly, I shared with her the following verse on 4:1....that being a master, I promise to treat her justly and fairly...that I would keep a good communication with her and being frank, and I would pay her monthly punctually as my duty.

I asked her to trust us and tell us if there's any needs, ESPECIALLY financially. I asked her NOT to borrow any money from others. Instead of asking others, ASK US. During her employment, Gee did ask us for some money due to family emergency....we lended her money but we also made a plan to work it out (pay back $500 each month from her salary)

Since her arrival, there're lots for us to adjust....we try to cope with a "stranger" living with us. Eating together did not cause us much uneasiness, although personal space may seem to be reduced. But we thank God for building our relationships through dining together. We also made the time to share and pray for each other. We know that it's a great opportunity to know about her and her family back in the Philippines. She would tell us her fear and worries as she faced family and financial issues. It's a good opportunity that we can pray and support each other. So we committed one night weekly some time after dinner to pray. Even though she prayed for us in Tagalong, we felt blessed by God as we serve the same master. It's something interesting to learn how to be a "boss" and treat Gee as my sister in Christ at the same time. ^_^ We had a mutual trust and we had a happy term of service for almost 2 years until I moved to Vancouver. Before the termination of our contract, God has also helped us to prepare the next employer for Gee. I'm glad for her.

Some TECHNICAL CONSIDERATIONS:

Adjustment:
I think even experienced helper needs to adjust to a new environment, so I think it's worth to do a bit of training on the first week of her arrival....to let her understand your style and routines. I remember we took Gee to the peak in her first month in HK. I like the idea of bringing her out for a short trip to broaden her views and understanding about our place, people and culture.

Food and Shopping:

I made a list of "things to buy" for daily use. At the beginning, I took my domestic helper to different stalls in the market and show her where I want her to buy things. e.g. I usually designated her to a specific veggie stall and I'd ask the shopkeeper to help sign the note. After a few days, I can just write down things to buy (in Chinese, say 1 catty Choi Sum) according to the stall # (say veggie), then she'd go to the stall and the shopkeeper would give her what I wrote.

Basically it's me who decided what to eat and what to cook....that may be different than some household that the helper would decide on what to cook instead. At the back of the shopping list, I would write down what I want to eat for dinner (or for the following few days)...then I put down the items that were needed on the front.

Gee slowly learns to cook Chinese food well according to our prefrence. She's a really good cook.

Routines:

Set up a tentative schedule for the chores to be done each day. I think it's reasonable enough to ask Gee vacuum the floor once a week (in addition to her wiping of the floor with static paper every day) She could get most things done by the end of the day. After dinner, I'm glad to set out the rest of the evening as rest time for her.

Work and Rest

On holiday issues, we talked and Connie and I made sure that Gee could go to church on Sundays. We tried to free her from work on that day...even at night. There were times that we had some dishes in the sink on Sunday nights and she wanted to wash them for us. I asked her to let me do it later 'cause I think it's my responsibility on Sunday and not to take advantage of her.

Salary Payment Record:

I printed out 2 copies, one for me and one for my helper. Just make sure we sign both copies for record.

Appreciation:

I found an interesting article responding to the current issue(link). The writer thanked the many domestic helpers in HK. At the end of her article, the write wrote down something very profounding:

外傭為了生計，拋低了自己的家庭，離鄉別井，照顧別人的丈夫和子女。每次想到菲律賓的孩子，我便因此感到心酸。菲律賓是天主教國家，根據天主教教義，人類是天主的僕人。但與此同時，天主的兒子耶穌，釘十字架前，替門徒洗腳。因為愛，天主派子降世為人，由「主人」變成「僕人」，展現的其實是捨己和犧牲精神。

I find a $25-value phone card a wonderful gift to treat Gee. She could spend more time talking to her beloved husband and kids. Also I really the idea of taking Gee to breakfast on Saturday mornings. We would go to Fairwood and would enjoy meals together as a treat for the week's labor. I can still remember how enjoyable she looked when she ate her favorite fried noodles and fish fillet. Then we'd all go to do some grocery shopping together. It's a great memory for all of us.

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