Fear and Acceptance

Palm Sunday—To remember that very Sunday, a week before Jesus was crucified, entering Jerusalem in triumph. Yesterday in the Palm Sunday service, I was touched again by the grace of Jesus while singing this song:

Hosanna (Praise is rising)

Praise is rising, eyes are turning to you;
We turn to you;
Hope is stirring, hearts are yearning for you;
We long for you;

‘Cause when we see you,
We find strength to face the day;
In your presence all our fears are washed away,
Washed away.

Hosanna, Hosanna, you are the God who saves us,
Worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, Hosanna, come have your way among us;
We welcome you here, Lord Jesus

by Paul Baloche & Brenton Brown. Integrity’s Hosanna Music & Thankyou Music, 2006.

…Thinking back to my lustful sins, the words “see” and “find strength to face” got my attention.
How lowly I am! How unworthy I am! How then can I face God?
Yet “In your presence all our fears are washed away” …yes, fear…there is fear deep down in my heart of not being accepted by God…
But I know there's a greater calling, a calling to return, for God is gracious. How blessed it is to have such a calling to return! To return to the gracious God who washed our sins and fears away.
As the second verse goes:

Hear the sound of hearts returning to you,
We turn to you;
In your Kingdom broken lives are made new,
You make us new;

‘Cause when we see you,
We find strength to face the day;
In your presence all our fears are washed away,
Washed away.

Hosanna, Hosanna, you are the God who saves us,
Worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, Hosanna, come have your way among us;
We welcome you here, Lord Jesus

…Oh Lord, I need your mercy. Forgive my trespasses and renew me, that my heart rests in you always. Amen.
.

厭世絕望...恩典盼望

近日來香港接連有長者因無法面對生活的壓力自殺，當我看到其報道時心中實在難過萬分，一方面感受到活著的家人失去親人之痛，另一方面當自己代入自殺長者所面對的困局時，都能明白一點點他們因年老病患帶來的痛苦與絕望。

小時我也曾有種想法，會想自己是英年早逝的那種人。這樣一來，一方面好像會讓人感到很婉惜，叫人憑吊（由此可見我內心是多麼渴望別人的注意、認同及愛…其實乃很自私的想法…現在有家室便更明白…Connie亦很意外我那「悲壯」的想法），另一方面也不用面對年老身體機能漸漸衰退帶來的痛苦與自憐。現在人越大，偶爾想到年老時會有很多想做的事做不了，感覺不只是可惜，甚至是不知可怎面對（panic）。結婚這些年來我和Connie曾不只一次討論過若有一方要「先走一步」，留下來的一半會是怎樣面對，我們都明白當中對自己和配偶的impact影響。對我來說，生、老、病、死，都是人生必定會經歷的階段，人越大越知道在面對年老、病患、到人生的最後一程，都需要很大的勇氣。就算是經歷上帝恩典的人生，都不會有例外。

我相信到自己要經歷年老、病患時最想問的是「生存意義」(Meaning of life) 的問題。我翻開上一個學期上的Soul of Ministry課筆記，看看有否提及這些問題的探討，卻沒有什麼發現，但見一個突出的標題：God’s Providence（上主的供應）我信這位造物主有豐富的恩典，我亦知道祂是一位relational的主，是人世的brokenness中，最大的倚靠和安慰。我渴望到經歷這些挑戰時仍能存倚靠的心，因為主耶穌賜的盼望有勇氣走完這段路；身旁亦有relational的人為我打氣（就算他們未必會完全明白自己的境況、感受）。

報道中的兩位長者都一心不想因自己的健康而拖累家人，他們的心情，我想我能明白。不知道在面對這矛盾與絕望中，以relational的態度面對會是怎樣的呢？會否帶來出路？（要花多點時候反思）
我和Connie的父母現在也有他們面對的挑戰。希望自己和家人可以在他們走過這段路的時候，與他們同行、支援他們。

報道連結：
翠玉瓜塞肛大出血 老翁稱「古法自殺」 (Click to read)
退休父攜智障女開煤氣同死 憂去世後乏人照顧 (Click to read)
一句「要去得尊嚴」 打動企跳癌翁 婦人爸爸肺癌死 了解病人感受(Click to read)

Lining Up For A Cause...

This is quite a queue! Is this a queue for bus? (I had thought so) NOPE. They're lining up for HOTDOGs!! This hotdog stand is no ordinary. It's selling hotdogs with an oriental twist...the Japanese taste....called the Japadog. It's quite well-known in Vancouver (even though I haven't heard of them until during the Olympics) The Japadogs have different flavor. To me, one of them tasted like those octopus balls (but now a sausage and bun instead). The Japadogs are not that expensive (~$5-6) comparing to ordinary hotdogs. But the line-ups can get really long......guess how long it took for us to get our order.......1 hour!!! Would you be willing to wait that long for a hotdog? ^_^

It was quite fun to hear the chef keep thanking his customers loudly and proudly, saying "Thank you ~~~~" in English with a Japanese tone.

The Japadogs are quite yummy. Give it a try if you have a chance! ^_^ I wish to try it again!

Family Fun @2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics

The 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics was an one-of-a-kind experience! Though I'm not a big fan of sports, I'm so grateful that I could still enjoy the atmosphere and the vibe of the city, the hospitality, and the cheer......for Canada!! ^_^

Here are some memorable moments:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=156086&id=516726454&l=fd0d2349fd

Surely you don't want to miss these cherry blossoms

Spring has arrived in Vancouver! It's the season of cherry blossom. We've been checking out different places in our neighborhood for these wonders. Just wanna share with you some beautiful scenes here. You may want to plan for a trip to Vancouver next Easter to check out the cherry blossoms. Next year will be our last year here...so treasure the opportunity to visit us while we're still around! ^_^

Check out the photo album:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=155511&id=516726454&l=2eb1fdf408

The Cheng's Recent Updates (Jan-Feb)

關心我們的大家：

轉眼已從香港回來兩個月了！這次香港之旅我們很開心！感謝天父！

自一月從香港回來以後，我們一家都更體會健康的重要。原來大朋友會因小朋友適應時差的問題而失去正常的規律，晚上不能有好的休息，我們竟要花兩星期適應回溫哥華的時差！Philip便是在此時加上忙於新學期的適應而患上感冒了（儘管他已在較早前打了流感針）。這次感冒對我們一家來說影響頗大，Philip未能在幾天內康復，反而一直病了兩星期。其實Philip很久也沒有病得那麼嚴重，病患的期間他經常發冷又感到疲憊；每天只能勉強上課，其餘的時間都在睡覺，一睡便十多小時，連看書及做功課做不來；平日好吃的他胃口也大減，但慶幸此時得嚐Connie第一次煲的愛心白粥，令他在軟弱中仍覺窩心；而Connie、Abby及Elly都要搬床鋪到書房，以免受到感染。幸好她們到最後也沒有受到感染，整個一月真是很難熬呢！

Philip這次的大病確實影響了他學習的進度，但感激老師的體諒，讓他可以延遲交功課。Philip大病初癒後一直還經歷天父的恩典，二月初時他在學校的講道課堂裡嘗試了第一次的講道。Philip雖然一直至站到台前仍感到戰戰兢兢，但他很感激天父在這次的講道中體會了在課堂裡教授常教導的信念：就是認定當人忠心宣講上主的說話時，其實是參與主祂自己向眾人說話。Philip在三月尾時會再次有講道的機會，他期待可以繼續享受學習、領受、以及分享和宣告上主好信息的機會！請記念他，為他整個準備的過程禱告。

最近已有半歲的Elly BB可以坐得穩定，亦開始了吃固體食物了！Connie花了不少心思參考育嬰書裡的建議，逐一讓Elly嚐嚐不同的食材，例如香蕉、梨、蘋果，甚至魚！Elly BB最愛吃的是香甜的牛油果及蕃薯。Elly很愛吃，甚至看見家姐吃東西時也會「呀呀」叫地爭取，她吃時亦會露出一副滿足甜美的笑容，很窩心呢！真的想Abby家姐也可以有這種開心的態度進食呢！

近日我們發現Abby時常會感到沒有安全感，她害怕被遺棄的感覺，往往會令她大發脾氣，她的一些說話令我們相信這種感覺多少是來自她被領養的經歷。面對這些挑戰，縱是為人師表的Philip也未懂開解自己的女兒，還不時因小小的事端便貿然喝罵她；幸而Connie可以耐心地引導她說出心裡的不安而加以安撫她的情緒。從領養Abby開始，我們便知道往後要與Abby在她不同的人生階段不斷面對過去留下的影響，我們真要求天父賜恩惠教我們如何做父母，讓她感到愛，以至她能勇敢地面對自己的過去！

相信大家都或有機會從電視裡收看到在溫哥華剛舉行完畢的冬季奧運會，雖然我們一家平日都不是怎麼熱衷運動，但今次我們很欣賞主辦單位及贊助商的心思，在溫哥華市中心幾處的地方安排了與奧運有關的遊樂場館及攤位─例如有在鬧市半空中滑行的吊索，好剌激！（不過要排隊至少四小時！我們當然沒有等）又有親切的吉祥物在露天冰場上的精彩表演；我們還有機會在可口可樂場館裡手持奧運火炬拍照留念，離開時又得到別出心裁的發光可樂樽作記念品。這次盛事令整個城市大部份人都雀躍地投入，我們一家亦趁著Philip學校因配合奧運而停課兩星期的空檔期間遊玩了幾天，享受家庭樂。我們除了有為加拿大國家隊打氣外，還能真正地與民同樂，熱鬧一番！

現在溫哥華到處可以看見美麗的櫻花在樹上綻放，很快其他的樹亦會跟著長起綠葉來迎接春天的到來，美麗的景象令我們想起造物主的恩情，我們一家也是每天領受著天父的愛眷、保守。Philip這個學期還有兩個月才完成，現在他記掛的是下一個學年（即九月開始）為期八個月的實習，為了配合寫畢業論文的方向（兒童事工），我們一家或許要到另一間英語教會聚會及參與事奉，跟那裡的兒童及家庭事工統籌學習。Philip已和那兒的部門主管見過一次面，亦很想跟她好好學習，但大家仍未知日後的安排會是如何，請記念我們，為我們未知的前路禱告。

願你也因著天父的信實、恩典，在主耶穌裡有平安！

Philip, Connie, Abby, Elly

My Recent Parenting Experiences = Mad Mad Mad x Bad Bad Bad

I feel very much challenged and defeated in parenting recently. I am struggling with bad temper and poor attitudes towards Abby all the time recently. Just a little matter would fire me up and have me bring down my “judgment call” upon her. I must admit that I am reacting too quickly without much thoughts and considerations, instead of a wise way of responding. I feel regret every time after I was angry and being rude like a mad dog. I wonder what’s behind all these. Would this reflect a deeper issue of me (self-image / past wounds / character)? Is it stemming from my longing to have things/people be put under “my” control? How to deal with the conflicts when Abby wants her own set of rules out of “my” expectations?

I don’t know the answers yet. Meanwhile, I just hope there’ll be more love and patience (or better ways of disciplining) to show Abby (and Elly, Connie as well) ~_~ I am grateful that Connie is more patient and kind. She has been handling Abby well. I really hope my weaknesses would impact Abby less negatively in her personhood formation.

Note: This photo isn't a 'real' scene of conflict, but it kind of portrays the emtions well(though I'm usually much angrier and meaner). It's fun to check out the expression on each of us, especially Elly's. ^_^