The recent article written by HK writer and columnist Chip Tsao (陶傑) has stirred an uproar from the Filipinos. In his article, "The War at Home", published in an online magazine, "Nation of servants" was used to mock the Filipinos in their dispute with the Chinese over the sovereignty on the Spratly Islands (南沙群島). Some Filipinos were greatly offended as they felt his words
racist, discriminating, and demeaning to Filipino domestic workers in HK. Such descriptions has insulted the Filipinos and the columnist has recently apologized (in Spanish!?) during a radio broadcast programme.
Indeed, disputes among Filipinos and Chinese often really takes place at homes. Have you heard stories of domestic helpers badly treated by their employers? How they have been "used" for long hours and being cheated and humiliated in many ways. I know such stories are frequently told among the domestic helpers as they gather together on their days-off. On the contrary, stories of lazy or cunning helpers cheating their masters have also been told among employers. How these helpers crossed their lines and abused their employer's properties when the employers are not at home. Sadly, I have to admit that black sheep in both groups have brought hatred and distrust in the community. However, I start to realize the crux of the problem: a relational personhood is reduced into a functional object.
I used to call people who serve at homes as "servants". That was the only title I learned as a kid. Later I became a "master", but I have learned a better word to repect them--"domestic helper", or simply "helper". One may ask what's the difference in their nature of work besides a change of "titles"? My answer: Not much, but the ATTITUDES in both "masters" and "helpers" would be different--about Dignity and Respect, a key to restore a relational personhood among us.
Connie and I had Gee to help us when we adopted Abby. This experience of having a helper in our family was wonderful. I enjoy having a clean house all the time, especially when Abby made a mess and was later cleaned by Gee. I enjoy the yummy Chinese and Filipino food Gee cooked for us. Most important of all, I enjoy our mutual trust in our communication. And I'm sure Gee would feel the same.
From this experience, I've jogged down something I did as a "master"--my beliefs and some concrete ideas:
First thing first: Be relational
I think our first day is very crucial in building a trusting relationship. **on the first night of Gee's arrival, we had a 'family meeting'. It's like a briefing session....to let my helper know the expectations and to let her know that we trust her. I asked her to be genuine and sincere to us as our relationship is greatly built on trust. Since she's also a Christian, I shared with her a bible passage from Colossians 3:22-25 to encourage her to serve faithfully. (Note, in fact, in the context of the bible, it was about the relationship of slaves and masters. But I focused on the principles)****More importantly, I shared with her the following verse on 4:1....that being a master, I promise to treat her justly and fairly...that I would keep a good communication with her and being frank, and I would pay her monthly punctually as my duty.
I asked her to trust us and tell us if there's any needs, ESPECIALLY financially. I asked her NOT to borrow any money from others. Instead of asking others, ASK US. During her employment, Gee did ask us for some money due to family emergency....we lended her money but we also made a plan to work it out (pay back $500 each month from her salary)
Since her arrival, there're lots for us to adjust....we try to cope with a "stranger" living with us. Eating together did not cause us much uneasiness, although personal space may seem to be reduced. But we thank God for building our relationships through dining together. We also made the time to share and pray for each other. We know that it's a great opportunity to know about her and her family back in the Philippines. She would tell us her fear and worries as she faced family and financial issues. It's a good opportunity that we can pray and support each other. So we committed one night weekly some time after dinner to pray. Even though she prayed for us in Tagalong, we felt blessed by God as we serve the same master. It's something interesting to learn how to be a "boss" and treat Gee as my sister in Christ at the same time. ^_^ We had a mutual trust and we had a happy term of service for almost 2 years until I moved to Vancouver. Before the termination of our contract, God has also helped us to prepare the next employer for Gee. I'm glad for her.
Some TECHNICAL CONSIDERATIONS:
Adjustment:
I think even experienced helper needs to adjust to a new environment, so I think it's worth to do a bit of training on the first week of her arrival....to let her understand your style and routines. I remember we took Gee to the peak in her first month in HK. I like the idea of bringing her out for a short trip to broaden her views and understanding about our place, people and culture.
Food and Shopping:
I made a list of "things to buy" for daily use. At the beginning, I took my domestic helper to different stalls in the market and show her where I want her to buy things. e.g. I usually designated her to a specific veggie stall and I'd ask the shopkeeper to help sign the note. After a few days, I can just write down things to buy (in Chinese, say 1 catty Choi Sum) according to the stall # (say veggie), then she'd go to the stall and the shopkeeper would give her what I wrote.
Basically it's me who decided what to eat and what to cook....that may be different than some household that the helper would decide on what to cook instead. At the back of the shopping list, I would write down what I want to eat for dinner (or for the following few days)...then I put down the items that were needed on the front.
Gee slowly learns to cook Chinese food well according to our prefrence. She's a really good cook.
Routines:
Set up a tentative schedule for the chores to be done each day. I think it's reasonable enough to ask Gee vacuum the floor once a week (in addition to her wiping of the floor with static paper every day) She could get most things done by the end of the day. After dinner, I'm glad to set out the rest of the evening as rest time for her.
Work and Rest
On holiday issues, we talked and Connie and I made sure that Gee could go to church on Sundays. We tried to free her from work on that day...even at night. There were times that we had some dishes in the sink on Sunday nights and she wanted to wash them for us. I asked her to let me do it later 'cause I think it's my responsibility on Sunday and not to take advantage of her.
Salary Payment Record:
I printed out 2 copies, one for me and one for my helper. Just make sure we sign both copies for record.
Appreciation:
外傭為了生計，拋低了自己的家庭，離鄉別井，照顧別人的丈夫和子女。每次想到菲律賓的孩子，我便因此感到心酸。菲律賓是天主教國家，根據天主教教義，人類是天主的僕人。但與此同時，天主的兒子耶穌，釘十字架前，替門徒洗腳。因為愛，天主派子降世為人，由「主人」變成「僕人」，展現的其實是捨己和犧牲精神。
I find a $25-value phone card a wonderful gift to treat Gee. She could spend more time talking to her beloved husband and kids. Also I really the idea of taking Gee to breakfast on Saturday mornings. We would go to Fairwood and would enjoy meals together as a treat for the week's labor. I can still remember how enjoyable she looked when she ate her favorite fried noodles and fish fillet. Then we'd all go to do some grocery shopping together. It's a great memory for all of us.
.
