阿比-艾莉爸爸 成長歷奇

Stories about me, my family and my daughters, Abigail & Eliana.

Abigail Jackline--Father's joy. To Connie and me, Abigail is a wonderful blessing from God, our precious jewel. God blessed us with Abigail as Connie and I went through the journey of infertility.

Eliana Faith--God answers. God hears our cries and heals us not only emotionally, but He also gives us Eliana, a precious gift, as a sign of his faithfulness.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Can't resist these berries



6 pounds of strawberry + family fun + farm experience + creation encounter + a wonderful shady weather = $??? (answer at the end of the posting)

Thanks to the sound therapies again for allowing us to notice signs of strawberry farms as we drove to the clinic. Today we had a relaxing day out picking strawberries. When we arrived at the farm, we noticed that fresh smell of strawberries filled the air. This is our first experience in picking strawberries (we picked blueberries last year when we first arrived) We all find this a fun experience. To 8-month-pregnant Connie, this strawberry picking experience provided her a great opportunity to exercise squatting. ^_^ To Abby, you can tell she really enjoyed picking with her own hands (though she finds it quite diffictult and ends up helping us placing the berries in the container). To me, I was marveling at God's creation and providence for us. A thought came by when I recalled a recent discussion with my schoolmate about a Regent course on food, farming, community, hospitality, and creation. I feel more responsible to do things right to care for God's creation through supporting the local community. So when we pick strawberries here, we would also help supporting our local farming communities.

How are the strawberries? ....mmm....YumYum!!! ^_^

Have you figured out the price afterall? Only $8.45 CAD!!! ^_^

ps: Next time, I should remember to bring a bottle of water + paper towel to wash the berries, so that I can eat them as I pick!!! ^_^

Saturday, June 27, 2009

A new experience in our adoption story

We've a breakthrough in walking with Abby along her adoption struggles this week. Thanks to our loving clinical psychologist Dr. Jack Young, Abby has been treated with sound therapy lately to deal with her unconcious anxiety / hidden emotional issues. After listening to a course of classical music with bone conducting stimulation, Abby has exhibited some reactions to the music during the sessions. At the early phase of the therapy, she has developped a longer span of concentration listening to the music (each session usually lasts an hour). But a special twist was made in the last session, then she began to show refusal in listening to the music after 15 minutes. We were encouraged to ask Abby her feelings towards the music. To our surprise, she could tell us that she was feeling sad and angry about the music. Her emotions were stirred due to the music!!

At home, we tried to find out the trigger. We chatted with Abby with the use of her albums. We went through photos of events that took place since her stay with the foster home (as early as her 2nd-month after birth) Abby showed no distress until we showed her the baby book we made for her, which was beautifully made by Connie that has photos and details of her early life. We asked Abby about the one-and-only-one photo of her birth parents. She told us that she felt sad when she saw the photo. She also related the music she heard at the therapy to them. She particularly told us that she's angry with her birth dad. WE WERE AMAZED!!

Today when Abby went through the sound therapy again, the same reactions occured and her emotions were triggered. I asked her after the session if she was thinking of her birth parents, and she agreed. We acknowledged her feelings and wondered at the effect of the therapy. Connie and I agree that she tends to show more need of attention after these sessions. She would cuddle around us more and would like us to spend time with her.

Before going to bed, she asked me about the baby book again. When we got to the birth parents' page, she also told us about the same feelings of loss. I could tell from her look that she was feeling really sad. Quick as a wink, a thought came to my mind, that I should grieve with her. I told her that we tried to contact her birth parents before but heard no reply, and it is alright for her to miss her birth parents. I encouraged Abby that we would love her dearly in any case. Then she bid farewell to her birth parents and we prayed for them. I checked up with her again and she told us that she is feeling happier. Connie and I are glad that her sense of loss can be addressed.

We had thought of many ways to talk about adoption with Abby, but this therapeutic experience really has a better and deeper impact on Abby. We're glad that she can deal with her grief this early. We have never imagined that she could express her emotions that particular before. Both Connie and I know that such emotions may haunt her again at different stages of life. But we also pray that we can walk along this journey with her with God's love and grace. We are honored to be Abby's parents.

Connie and I believe that these sound therapy may really benefit families, especially adoptive families in Hong Kong. But more importantly, we think these families also need support to debrief with their children effectively. May our experience be a good reference.

It's been a relaxing week before the start of the intensive Greek coming next week. I had a good break to read, sleep, and spend time with Connie and Abby. Looking forward to July as my parents are coming from Toronto to stay with us for a month. ^_^

Friday, June 12, 2009

A fun visit at Birth and Beyond midwifery service


Connie and I really appreciate the personal care of midwifery service. They are professionaly trained and are much different than the traditional impression of midwives in ancient Chinese society. With their education and experience, they show great support to the inexperience couples going through the maternity process. Connie and I feel really blessed and thankful for having them to help us better prepare for the pregnancy.

Now Abby found it interesting for each visit for she can help out measuring and checking the baby. Abby would pick up the stethoscope and listen to the baby's heartbeat. She would also pick up the measuring tape and help finding out the size of the womb. Abby has the potential of becoming a wonderful nurse! ^_^


There was once when we first met one of the midwives, Saraswathi Vedam, she laid her hands on Connie's tummy and felt the position of the baby. She then drew on Connie's tummy to describe how the baby is positioning. Not only Abby found it very interesting, I felt really amazing too!!

We'll keep having visits before Connie's due date. From these visits and a prenatal class that we had, my sense of "ownership" in this pregancy has grown more because all the information helps me to better visualize the upcoming events. I hope I won't be panic when Connie's labor pain begins. ^_^

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

近況點滴

我雖然已完成這學年的課程,卻又剛開始了暑期密集式課程。上兩星期的課程是從電影的情節、美學、及表達技巧去探討神學的應用。我看了不少黑白片(老師認為是電影的經典時代)。我發現原來從前我認為是搞笑的Charlie Chaplin,他的電影其實是十分有意思及令人感動的,而且故事的人物情節對人性的描寫有深入的反思!真心推介!對自己來說,今年最寶貴的領受是self identity的更新,在聖經中更體會耶穌的愛及接納。以前常以為自己的生活模式是多做一點事去取悅及滿足神(例如基督徒講的讀聖經「靈修」),原來不自覺意識裡很想靠doing去獲得神的認同,這種態度竟是來自混淆的自我形像。然而,這年的體會讓自己發現不用以這些工夫來作為取悅及滿足神的方法,even just as I am,我是耶穌所愛的門徒,真正的認識being,讓我可以看待與神的關係來得更relational。我感謝耶穌的厚愛,我願更愛祂,更認識祂。

另外,其中一科給予我對友情有新的反省。有時候我發現自己不甚懂得(不如說甚少去)關心身邊的人。我其實很想作個relational(包含親情、友情…等)的人。我未至於會利用友情來為自己尋好處,但確實不懂很持久的關心care身邊的人。有時我是很羨慕Connie,因她頗能維繫認識多年的好朋友,她不用結交很多朋友,卻有著深摯的友愛。我渴望能更committed去珍惜身邊的情誼,雖然生活的習慣未必會立時朝夕大變,但我的心態有改變,期待日後可以與大家繼續有多些深入的分享。

Connie身孕踏入第三十周,她較早時腰骨容易因疲倦而感到痛楚,在多些留在家中休息後,她身體現在比較早時好多了。小寶寶預期在八月二十日出生,而我們也開始了上產前預備班。Connie一直也有積極看書及為小寶寶的出生去作準備;相反,我在心理上仍覺很抽離。產前預備班的確幫助我去更仔細的去與Connie配合。做爸爸的學習要重新開始!

Abby在溫哥華的生活是頗開心的。雖然體重仍是只有20磅,完全不及同齡的標準,講說話的表達亦很有限,但她仍然一天一天慢慢長大。最近她第一次自己洗澡了!Abby在較早時已懂自己到衣櫥拿衣服及開水自己沖洗。有一晚,她先拿了衣服,然後解衣、爬進浴缸後開水沖洗,我們見她自己解衣後便稱讚她主動,看著她可以培養自我照顧的習慣,我們心感高興!我希望在暑假可以有多些親子時間陪她起玩耍及學習。

在這裡,我們對文化及語言上的衝擊已經適應下來,只是現在生活所需費用比起初的預算大,而當初預備的費用相信會在第二學年完結時便會花完。近來很大的掙扎是來自幾個的可能性:(一)賣去在港的物業以完成餘下兩年的學業;還是(二)只完成文憑的課程,回港後再以部分時間修讀?這些考慮包含了很多關乎召命、對上帝供應的信心、安全感、及家人需要等的反思。若然自己往後的服務對象是小朋友,以從事教育工作去回應召命,那我有否這需要一定要在這裡完成MDiv program嗎?但其實在這裡的學習又確實是十分有意思,要更理解聖經及信仰便要花更多的時間去學習。我想更認識我的上帝!我想更懂得讀聖經,以至日後可以與大家分享上帝的話及祂賜的盼望。這裡的課程及教授都對我生命有很大的影響。若要花上更大的代價(主要是往後生活的安定),我會願意嗎?這一刻我的困惑大多是來自再一次面臨做大決擇時所產生的恐懼,不知道怎樣去理解前路及回應愛我的主。Connie一直的聆聽及支持是令我十分感動的。在此亦願意向大家分享內心的掙扎,渴望大家顧念我們一家的前路。

Abby's Adoption Story on TVB